Dear God, Not Again

I gave my A levels in May this year, and already that feels like it was decades ago. Most of my friends went to college, while I gave different tests and took a year off, to get into my ‘dream university’, which had rejected me in April. Today, I’m going back to school to start the whole process once again. I’ll meet teachers who I haven’t seen in months, and I’m not sure they’ll remember me except one or two of them. I’m scared of going through the application process all over again, and getting rejected. I don’t know whether the teachers will have enough time to help me out, write my recommendations, sign my transcripts and generally guide me. They probably won’t. There are new students now, bunches who’ve replaced me and my classmates since May. I never had to go to school alone, ever. My best friend was with me every time we visited the principal, now I’ll have to go alone. Back to school, where I don’t know anyone anymore.

I’m not scared. I’m downright terrified.