How To… Come Up With New Year’s Resolutions

I had a hard time thinking of complete New Year’s resolutions this year. And so I compiled a list of ‘How To’s’ for anyone stuck in the same situation as me.

1. If you’re a normal person, you’ve probably offended one or two people in 2012. Snapped at your mom, dad or cat, or punched your sister because she stole your secret chocolate stash. If you’re a serial killer and have disposed of over 3 people, you can join in too. Now, make a list. This is the fastest way to see what you’ve done the past year and to whom.
2. Start prioritizing. Mom, dad and family come to the top of the list. This isn’t an apology list, don’t worry. See exactly what you’ve done, and how it can be avoided in the future. If you were mean to someone, this would result in a “I’ll be nicer to people” resolution and so forth. For example, if you’re a kleptomanic pyrotechnic and you stole your co-worker’s fireworks collection, your resolution should be “I will not steal, nor set fire to things.”
3. Once you’ve compiled your list of resolutions, you should divide your paper into two lists. “Realistic Resolutions” and “Never Gonna Happen”.  This will help. So for example, “I will not wear pink since it makes me look like an over ripe guava” will go into the former category while something like “I will not chase the neighbourhood squirrels around the block” will be sorted into the latter.
4. Then, write down your Realistic resolutions down on various surfaces so you have a chance to see them everyday. For example, post one which says “I will not cake my face with 5 pound makeup everyday” smack in the middle of your dressing table mirror. And if your resolution is something like “I will not yell at my cat if she eats my food”, paste that on your cat. A furry solution.
5. Finally, try to stick to what you’ve promised. Its easy to break resolutions because they aren’t jotted down in an official contract or signed by an authority figure. But this is a promise you’ve made to yourself, so try to stay with what you vowed. 
   

The New Year should be a time for making and keeping promises, no matter how silly they are, or whatever other people think about them.

Some of my resolutions are:

• Adopt a homeless turtle.
• Volunteer at the local school for special children.
• Go to London in the summer.
• Go to a bar, for the first time.