Help! My Ice Cream Is Hysterical!

32 flavours…Hmmm.

If I could make a new ice cream flavour, it would be ‘talking ice cream.’ Imagine if your ice cream could talk to you. Of course, it would be more expensive than normal ice cream, but it would be worth it.

So you come back with two scoops of talking ice cream, and suddenly it screams ‘Don’t eat me, please!’. You get flustered, and embarrassed because everyone is staring at you and your hysterical ice cream swimming in its pink ceramic bowl. ‘Ssh, calm down’ you whisper, but the ice cream doesn’t shut up. It then starts a conversation in a high pitch ice creamy voice, while you sit with your back to the other diners, trying to calm them down. The conversation begins:

Ice cream: Are you really going to eat me? What kind of animal are you?!

You (putting your hands up): No no calm down. When the sign said ‘talking ice cream’, I didn’t think it would be real! Sorry…

Ice cream: Oh, so now I don’t exist for you? *rolls eyes*. Typical human arrogance.

You: Now now, lets not blow this out of proportion. I know you’re real, I know. So, the weather outside is nice, right? Happy sunny day!

Ice cream: You insensitive JERK! I’m melting! Sun equals death. DEATH.

You: Okay, hush up! Umm umm, anyway, I bet you’re cool and icy, good for you :).

Ice cream: Oh, oh, now he says it. Right, mister, i’m melting in my own skin! I’ll be a mushy puddle in two minutes. Might as well eat me now. Lord. *looks away*

You: I would never dream of eating you now. Calm down, should I put you in the freezer?

Ice cream: Are. You. INSANE? If your skin was melting off and I bunged you into the freezer, you’d die of chills, cold spells and hyperthermia! You want me to be sick?!

You: Err… its spelled hypothermia. Umm, just saying.

Ice cream: Oh so you want to correct my grammar now? Sorry Mr. Grammar Nazi, I didn’t think you were a walking dictionary. *turns away*

So now you’re left sitting at the table while your ice cream has turned its back on you. Not a very good flavour, now that I think about it. A cup of talking ice cream = total hysteria.

…I think I’ll stick to Vanilla.